Let's be honest: Holidays can still be stressful! Here are 12 tips to help.

Here's an extract from a post I put on Facebook just after we we got back from the most 'proper' holiday we'd had as a family:

''I can't bring myself to share such wonderful pictures without keeping it real. We had many stressful, upsetting, disappointed moments on this holiday, starting with turning up to the airport to find we'd been given the wrong info by the travel company and so had missed our flight.

So, missed flight to (having eventually got there) normal human behaviour still occurring on holiday (who knew!) It shouldn't be possible: tiredness, grumpiness, hormones, kids winding each other up, stressy Mummy etc. Of course it still happens but I'm always surprised by how disappointed I'm left feeling by it, and how ashamed I am, when all the ingredients are there for a simply happy time. I felt down about myself as a Mum at times, down about my kids: parts of their characters, parts of their behaviour. I discovered we like different things out of a holiday and various other really random, weird things were triggered in me whilst away, leaving me quite low, and then the confusion and shame at how I could be so down when in such a fantastic place, surrounded by beauty, fun and great opportunities and experiences. All of those bits I loved too, by the way.

We made some brilliant memories, ticked some things off the bucket list and had some brilliant times. But don't be fooled by the photos, they were all intermingled with some very raw and difficult bits.

I keep attempting to appreciate 'moments' rather than have big expectations on chunks of time, and our mixed holiday sort of sums up life pretty well. All the best muddling through life everyone. Let's enjoy the good bits and be there for each other in the not so good bits."

Having reflected on that holiday and having had others since, here's some little take-aways that may be helpful for you too...

12 things that may help reduce your stress on holiday

1. People want different things out of a holiday. What is it for you and yours?

Do you love soaking in the sun or does it make you want to hide inside or under some shade? Do you like history, exploring the area, doing fun activities, relaxing by a pool or on the beach, reading a book? Do you prefer being abroad or staying closer to home, etc.?

Not many of us have unlimited funds, so with the money we have to spend how do you want to spend it?

For example: Is the joy of not having to cook important to you, so a fair amount will go on eating out? Or is that not too important so you'd rather do some self-catering and spend the money on fun activities or travelling to different places?

All these things are worth pondering and having a conversation about.

2. Communicate wants and needs beforehand

What do you want this holiday to look like? What would mean a lot to you? What do you want? What do you need? What are you looking forward to? What are you hoping for? What are your priorities?

How is this the same as the other people you are going with and how does it differ?

There is no way the answer to all of those questions are going to be the same.

So ask them.

And there is no way the other people can magically know the answer to all of those questions for you.

So express your hopes and fears.

3. Communicate wants and needs during the holiday

You don't always know what needs communicating beforehand and things may come up during the trip. So keep communicating!

Keeping quiet to keep the peace, or because it's hard to put yourself forward, can lead to resentment and disappointment.

The people we are with are not mind-readers. Sometimes we need to pluck up some courage and take responsibility for expressing our own wants and needs.

4. Compromise

Depending on how many of you there are, there could be a fair few different wants and needs to consider. Maybe they can't all be met, but if each of you can get at least some of yours met, that's worth aiming for. This may involve a greater or lesser degree of compromise by others, but trying to keep it fair, so there's compromise for each other, can mean a lot.

5. Divide and conquer

Do you all have to do the same thing, at the same time, all of the time?

As a parent 'divide and conquer' has become one of my most sanity saving mottos.

As much as I want us to do everything as a family, the reality is that can end up being extremely stressful, and it can be far more enjoyable if we divide up sometimes and either do different things, or just some of us doing something if the others aren't interested.

Allowing myself to do this has revolutionised my parenting!

6. Be prepared that these feelings may come and that they are totally normal

There's no getting away from the fact that we are still human on holiday.

It's likely we'll still get tired, grumpy and hormonal.

Yes we're on holiday, we're having a break, we're in a nice place. But also we're away from our normal coping strategies, we're in a close space together, our sleep and eating pattern may be out of sync. New situations can bring up different things in us and we're likely not eating as healthily which can affect mood, along with many other things.

This may sound a bit depressing, but let's normalise it. Unreal expectations help no-one.

Seeing wonderful holiday pictures on social media is rarely a balanced picture. Not acknowledging it or talking about it leads us to feel there's something wrong with us or we're not normal.

We're still human, even on holiday!

7. Be willing to adjust your plans

Much disappointment was to follow the above picture being taken.

A day on the beach in beautiful, sunny Portugal. What a treat! A treat for me that is. Some of the others didn't want to be there: it was too hot, they didn't like the feel of the sand, the water wasn't perfectly clean, it was boring, etc.

I couldn't understand it. Surely everyone would enjoy being on a beach in the summer in Portugal right? I was providing my kids with every kids dream surely. Obviously not.

A stressful time followed. The short story is we did eventually manage to redeem the day, after nearly giving up and all going home frustrated. In fact we ended up doing some of the highlights of the holiday.

It took a while though, of managing my disappointment, getting frustrated with each other, getting over the shock that my expectation and assumption had been wrong, trying to understand each of our different wants and needs and adapting the plan.

Flexibility and having a change of plan comes easier to some than others.

On this occasion it just about worked out okay. If we'd have communicated or listened to each other better beforehand we could've potentially avoided the stressful situation in the first place.

Having a plan B up your sleeve is another idea (though sometimes it can be hard enough to come up with a plan A!).

8. Be realistic about what you can all manage

It can be tempting to cram so much in, but is that realistic? We're a family that err on the introversion side, so whilst we enjoy doing other things we always make sure we have a lazy day in-between. That's not going to be necessary for everyone but it's about knowing yourself and what you need and can cope with.

9. Be okay with being different to each other

I think that in normal life we manage to learn to work around each other. But holidays throw us into new situations, whilst being in close proximity, and it can highlight our differences in a way that doesn't normally happen.

This isn't always a comfortable feeling.

It's important to remind ourselves we're in an out-of-the-ordinary situation and it's okay.

It's really unfair to expect that your partner /kids /friends /family will enjoy all of the same things as you, have the same priorities and see things in the same way you do.

We're all different and that's okay.

Acceptance, kindness, patience and compromise can go a long way at these times.

10. Don't compare

I'll just leave you with this:

'Comparison is the thief of joy' (Theodore Roosevelt)

11. Enjoy the moments

Every moment can't be perfect. But enjoy the ones that are.

And perfection isn't always necessary. Sometime 'good enough' is enough.

I haven't always been able to get to the end of a day out or a holiday and say 'that was a great day out /holiday'. But mostly I can say 'that contained some great moments'.

And I'm learning to be content with that.

12. Reflect afterwards what you can learn for next time

I guess some people may have a perfect holiday, but if you're not one of them (I'm pretty sure I'll never fit into that category) it can be good to reflect (without beating yourself up) about what lessons you can learn for next time.

And finally

I wonder if this all sounds a bit too bleak for someone to write who is also the owner of a holiday home wanting to promote their property. Shouldn't I be painting the picture of pure bliss, happy faces and the hope of a wonderful experience?

Well I just can't.

As a fellow human, someone who struggles, a mum and also a counsellor, I know that acknowledging the difficult stuff is part of creating the life you want, and to break that down further: the holiday you want.

From one human to another, I hope you have a really great holiday, filled with many happy moments, and can be kind to yourself and each other for the not-so-perfect bits.

Enjoy.

And if you want the perfect villa to try out these tips in sometime soon or in the future, feel free to click on this link: https://www.holidayvillaalgarve.com/

holidayvilla.algarve@gmail.com

Tel: +44 (0)7814 669 639

Casa As Andorinhas, CC1 111A, Corta Porcas, 8550-254 Monchique, Portugal